To all the women with the flaws, know it’s hard my darling
You wonder why you’re lonely and your man’s not calling
You keep falling victim cause you’re insecure
And when I tell you that you’re beautiful you can’t be sure
Cause he don’t seem to want you back and it got you asking
So all you see is what you lacking, not what you packing
~ J.Cole, Crooked Smile
It’s been years since I have bought an album and in one day, I’ve bought two. Through my travels/listening session en route to get my haircut I focus on this song. The second single from one of my favourite new artists. I’m in a space right now where I’m looking at myself and really diving into what’s important to me going forward. The book of choice this week, The Four Agreements, a book highly recommended and it’s interesting. The first chapter delves into our agreements or in layman’s terms, the beliefs that we hold to be true. Note: I will be expounding this novel next, so I’m not going to get to in-depth. Basically the things the things we hold to be true aren’t necessarily all that important.
I see all these people making themselves up to be something they’re not in hopes of not sticking out. This doesn’t just apply to women either, men are by and large, huge proponents of putting on a face. There this saying about money…
“And they say money change you, but money don’t change you. It just makes you more of what you already are.” ~ Little Brother
Why? That is the question. What is our infatuation with being accepted? Is being yourself so frowned upon that being a clown is the new human? Its like when people fear to ask a question for fear of being rejected and you can lump me into that category sometimes. A wise man once told me that you lose nothing by asking the question. If the person disagrees with you, at least you made the effort. The adverse of that is they may actually be interested in what you’re offering. Either way, you lose nothing. For our purposes, if someone is not feeling you because you’re being yourself, they can kick rocks. Not worth the time, nor the effort because you’ll have to continuously keep up the facade.
I remember growing my hair on two separate occasions because an inconsiderate person made light of my odd-shaped head. As an adult I realize the fault was on me for letting that person have that amount of power over me. If I had been more self-confident then, I would dust the dirt off my shoulder and pressed on. That’s my issue, not the person who made the remark. As a bartender I see many people place their best disguises on to charm the opposite sex. It may work, but in the end, you’ll be found out as a fraud and it will ruin whatever illusion you’ve created.
Now back to your crooked smile, beautiful in its uniqueness. Crooked smile is metaphor for any insecurity you think is more important than it really is. Whether it’s a lumpy head, a crooked smile, a frumpy body, modest breasts, big lips or whatever, you have two choices;
1) Live with what you have and build the confidence within yourself to know you’re beautiful.
2) Do something to fix it (naturally)! Surgery or pills aren’t the key, that’s a different side of the same coin. It’s still a disguise, mask and facade.
The other aspect of it is that we build things up in our psyches much larger than they truly are. Once again, the cure is in self-confidence. Take it from this guy who writes about my insecurities and speaks freely about the way I feel through this medium. Be yourself and let me see your bright, beautiful jibs.
Carpe Diem Que