PROJECT CARPE DIEM

I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps.

I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks. I hate the way she sounds when she laughs.

- Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 500 days of summer

This is the rollercoaster of emotions that I shift through on a daily basis, but more so yesterday.  I met with her, we spoke and cleared the air to the tune of nothing being resolved.  It was the perfect cap to a horrific day.  Have you ever seen a person who’s been shellshocked after viewing a murder or being in a car accident?  That’s the point where i’m at.  Relationships are a work in process to say the least and no matter how much I learn, I learn that I don’t know that much, at all.  I don’t really have a commentary today, more so confused than anything else.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT-eSot4h7k

“…let me explain something to you, okay, girls with big tits have big asses, girls with little tits have little asses.  That’s the way it goes”  - Rosie O’Donnell, Beautiful Girls

Okay, so here’s the deal.  I’m a semi attractive, black male making due with what I have and attempting to make ends meet.  I go into bar establishments seeking employment and either don’t get a callback or get turned away.  I go out tonight and see that the bar is being tended by “mediocre” woman, at best.  This is a problem!

I don’t mean to nitpick, but seriously.  I could understand being usurped by a bountiful beautify who’s appearance makes me look like Quasimodo, but seriously, just an average run of the mill woman beats any man, downtown.  Please don’t get it twisted either, I’m not in the business of inflating my head.  This is just a commentary on social nuisances that i’ve noticed during my time as a bachelor partying in the “big city”.

I know this will diminish my whole argument, but upon further evaluation I’ve just stumbled on the answer to my own question.  If you look at it from the P.O.V. of the client/customer (male), there’s no amount of beauty a man could possess that would make him better than looking at a woman.  For the ladies out there, I’m sorry, but yeah, what was i thinking?  Of course, it makes sense to hire women.  Women is what attracts (most) men and (mostly) men are seen frequenting pubs/bars/clubs during the week and weekends.  This makes perfect sense, it’s almost comical that it eluded me and I was arguing a moot point.  It’s 5am on Saturday morning and with that, I bid you adieu.

Peace and Prosperity

C.D.Que

J.Cole, Ladies

“…Observing your life from the prospective of an old woman about to die”  -Ethan Hawke, Waking Life

The question of soul mates, destiny and choices has plagued my thoughts lately. I’m two years removed from thirty years of age with no career, marriage or children to speak of. While all my peers, colleagues and friends enjoy pending nuptials, nuptials, houses, careers and children; I sit hear, curious, what’s it all about?

At my age, I feel like I should have pieced it together already. That could be my misguided assumption or society’s rules bearing down on me. I look around and constantly struggle to understand what went wrong? Self reflection has always been my greatest attribute and detriment. So, what now? If this was nintendo, I’d hit the reset button right about now.

I remember hearing a saying, ‘youth is wasted on the young’. I never understood the meaning until now. Think back to all those times your parents, teachers and adults told you to heed their warnings about problematic experiences. The arrogance of youth turned a deaf ear and kept it moving… moving directly into the pitfalls we were warned about.

I stand now on the cusp of greatness, aware of what I have to do and also the timeframe in which it needs to be accomplished. My path is to be determined, but it will be determined by me. Anyone reading this should also grab the bull by the horns. It’s never too late to be the change you want to see in this world or in yourself.

Peace and Love

C.D.Que

The Roots, Now and Never