PROJECT CARPE DIEM

“When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it.”  ~ Emile Hirsch

I am many things, a man, a brother, a writer, a lover, a conversationalist, a friend, a mentor, a human.  Of all the titles that describe me, none describes me better than ” an enigma”.  I change my mind daily, about both, trivial and important matters.  I waste too much time pursuing things that hold no real value.  I fret over monetary issues that I can do little (without upsetting myself greatly) about and I constantly find myself not living up to my given moniker “carpe diem”.

Morrie said to Mitch, “once you learn to die, you learn to live” (Tuesday’s with Morrie, Mitch Albom).  Truer words haven’t been spoken.  I reread this book, which quickly became my favourite book five years ago and the lessons learned are still relevant today.  At twenty three, I understood this book, but didn’t completely get it.  Now, at twenty eight, I delve into the material and it resonates with me.  Morrie was right, “as you grow, you learn more” which in it’s essence seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how many foolish people I speak to everyday.  I’m getting older and I’m wasting time, precious time that can’t be reclaimed…  Do something about it!!

“…you’re the same as you were five years ago, I just feel like nothing’s changed with you.” This was a statement uttered by a foolish woman.  It’s comical how many people think they have it all figured out at the ripe, old age of twenty nine (snickering).  She lives alone in a foreign city, has absolutely no close friends and drinks alone on weekdays, but sees fit to judge me on my choices.  I pity her, but she did bring to light something I had been neglecting and that was my soul.  I’m happy to say, I’ve reclaimed it.  Life works in mysterious ways, I watched ‘Eat, Pray, Love’, read ‘The Game’ (Neil Strauss) and Tuesday’s with Morrie and then this girl’s passive aggressive remark and “VOILA!”  I’m back!  I hate to be petty, but I’d like to thank that douchebag woman, my ex-girlfriend and the free spirits who wrote, filmed and acted out the media which helped me.  Life is but a book of journey’s, each moment marked as a new chapter and the genre of your novel should be determined by you.  Drive the train, don’t be a passenger.

Peace and Love

C.D.Que

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnyuqKhiDo8&feature=related

I miss you more than I can bear, but we had our time together. I have to let you go.  – Leonardo DiCaprio, Inception

A great friend once told me, “the hardest thing to know is when to let go or when to keep fighting”.  A relationship is very similar to a film, it has a beginning, middle and end.  In some cases, all the films questions are not answered and it continues in the form of a trilogy.   The protagonist should always push the action forward and never allow the environment  to dictate his/her choices. 

She returned, only for a brief visit, but a return nonetheless.  It was inevitable that we meet and hash out this thing of ours.  I began my preparation for this meeting with a haircut and my sexiest shirt.   The appearance and presentation is important when showing the one who left what a colossal error in judgement was made.  My circuit training had gone magniciently, gym for three months, no exceptions and twenty pounds of lean muscle mass.   I felt good. 

Knock, knock.  She opened the door and a wave of uneasiness filled the space between us, had this moment taken place four months earlier she would already be in my arms.  We strolled to the vehicle and I refused to embrace her now…  as a friend.  Can you truly be friends with someone you’re still in love with?  I opened her door, like I always do.  “That’s not appropiate for friends”.  I rolled my eyes and entered the car. 

We arrived at ‘our’ spot on the beach for a walk.  The conversation was surprisingly cordial and few tears were shed, until… the embrace.  “Can I have a hug?”  Yes, I replied and looked her dead in the eyes.  I kissed her on the forehead and neck, she began to cry.  I hated when she cried, I always have.

3 hours later.

Russell Peters, red, white and brown ended in my car as we sat eating ice cream and watching the tide tumble in.  I drove her home and kissed her goodnight and goodbye.  I think back to this day often, not to dwell, but just for the moment it represents in time.  It’s perfect, the embodiment of what we should and could be together, all the squabbles and disagreements seem so trivial when we walked together.  The moment was my last stand and single, free to frolick overseas was her play.  Now I pose that question to you, when is it correct to let go or keep fighting?

Love movement

C.D.Que

Band of horses, No one’s gonna love you:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD0264URkhI