PROJECT CARPE DIEM

“Let me put it this way: I have thought about you – about us – a lot, but tonight, when you came in, was the first time I didn’t get all fucked up about it.”  ~ Josh Hartnett, 40 Days and 40 Nights

I’ve been listening to Trey Songz all week.  I used to dislike him because he was too cocky, but his music has grown on me.  Music, movies, music, movies, music, movies.  I can always find a correlation.  This week I’m going to tell a story and each mini heading or chapter will be a title from one of Trey’s songs, the songs I’ve been listening to in heavy rotation. 

CAN’T BE FRIENDS

The grass was greener on the other side, she chose.  Three months plummeted off the calendar.  No contact was made by either party, what was the fuckin’ point?  The past is the past and there isn’t any backtracking, it’s called a breakup because the shit is broken.  There was mixed feelings about replying to a random Monday morning message, he didn’t know what to make of this.  Why now?  What was the end game?  It was decided months earlier to never leave eachother hanging, if a message was sent, a rebuttal should be made.  In accordance with that rule, he pondered the day away and sent a calculated messge.  No wasted lines, every line carefully crafted to express something and leave it where it is.  There was no reason to upset her, so he didn’t mention his new lady who had been occupying his thoughts and time.  She deserved better than petty, childish behaviour and quite frankly he was above such things.  He was now happy and wished the same for her, but never did he want to see her again.  That chapter was closed, she closed it, having your cake and eating it too isn’t really my thing (foolish saying by the way, but you get the picture).  Never to be given up on, that’s how I feel, I’m confident in myself and know what I can provide.  Too much spiteful venom was spewed from her lips and the time for mourning that loss had passed.  So, his words were meant to soothe her almost like a parent tucking their toodler in bed.  There isn’t any way of telling what we could have been, never be friends though!

Trey Songz – Can\’t be friends

UNFORTUNATE

Once is a warning, two is a scolding, three is a bloody charm.  It’s like learn your lesson week around here.  The more I believe I know, is the more I realize I know nothing at all.  A gathering of friends chatting over some beers, conversations about all topics.  The guy kept looking at his phone and smiling queerly.  What was this guy’s problem?  He was speaking to a new woman, her every thought intrigued him.  She displays traits congruent with his; wit, intelligence, bravery, beauty, but she is also self -deprecating. 

At first, he thought it was nothing, everyone has some personality defects and he turned a blind eye.  The people who know him most shouted out cautionary tales to warn him.  He was stubborn and believed he could handle the current in unknown waters.   He was usually a strong swimmer, but the current was overpowering and tossed his body around like a child’s stuffed animal.  He gasped for air and everytime he believed that he was safe, the raft he had clung to would splinter and crack.  Three rafts came and when he realized there was no rescue for him, he embraced his fate, grinned, rolled his eyes and plummeted off the cliff.

Trey Songz – Unfortunate

The  Usual

I’m not special, I’m not unique, but what I am is different, abstract.  When I say I’m thinking outside of the box, it isn’t simply a catch phrase.  One of one isn’t me being cocky or brash.  Veni, vidi, vici is more than a tattoo across my back.  I’m not the usual and to be taken as such is fucking disappointing.  Wasted hours, that’s what I’d like to say, but I don’t believe in regrets.  My experiences are my own and the route travelled is the choice I make and I stand by.  In future, things will be different, when it’s all said and done. 

Trey Songz feat. Drake – The Usual

Successful

I always seem to do better when there’s doubt shown.  Getting out of my way is my detriment.  Focus is monumentally important in order to reach higher, to shatter the glass ceiling.

“Partially functional, half of me is comfortable
the other half is close to the cliff like Mrs Huckstable
…

no I aint crying a bit man
thats just life, thats just how shit work
you reach your hand in fire, you pull it back when you get burnt
gotta learn when you get hurt
even if its with cupid”

“Damn!  Hey, so here we are.  So here we are.  So here we are.  It’s funny how so close could seem so far, I mean, this is your moment.  It’s supposed to be your moment, what good is being the one, when you’re the only one that knows it?  ~ J.Cole 

Trey Songz feat. Drake – Successful

C.D.Que

“Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.”  ~Hugo Weaving, V for Vendetta

I remember a time when everything was much simplier, pack a lunch, get on a lengthy yellow vehicle and play with shapes, numbers and children you’d forget about in twenty years.  Often times I long for that time, life was cut and dry.  I watch my nieces and nephew grow up before my eyes, learning new words, gaining new knowledge and gaining wisdom, I wonder if they know how precious this time they have is.  Hmph!  To be inside their minature heads would be a thing of beauty.

I love comic books, I love what they symbolize.  My favourites growing up were Spider-man, Batman and X-Men.   Each individual character dealt with some extreme emotion or  inner conflict.  Spider-man was searching for an identity, the balance of a teenager struggling with day to day affairs and a man battling villians to protect the very people who shun him.  It’s an interesting dichotomy, I know people who wouldn’t do shit for a friend, much less an enemy who constantly badgered them.

Batman was looking to rid the streets of the same evils that killed his family, much deeper than that, he was attempting to mould a world that he’d feel comfortable living in.  His dark and brillant mind made him the master detective and very perspective. 

The X-Men books dealt with issues of racism, religion and a society as a whole that mirrors our own.  The commonalities within these books and our world is uncanny.  I grew up with these and they’ve helped mould me into what I am.  Each individual character and book has taught some lesson, I don’t often divulge this information.  It’s part of that 90% I hide beneath the arctic waters. 

I’ve just watched ‘V for Vendetta’ for the second time and am reminded of its brillance.  The film was based off a graphic novel.  Its points are poignant and relevant today as they were when it was written at the time of my birth.  I relate to this character and enjoy him so greatly, especially tonight, of all nights.  It was needed.   I know I’m being extremely vague with this blog, but I’m planning something, something major and I don’t want to reveal it until the new year.  I don’t want to reveal because “Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea”.  My idea must be protected because not unlike V and Edmund Dauntes, careful planning and plotting must be completed for anything to come to fruition.  I know I thanked a lot of you (re: Thank me now), but I’d like to do so again.  In the coming months this blog will take on a whole new look and feel.  I can’t see myself writing in it, but once week (probably Sunday), or if the mood strikes me.  These lines, words and paragraphs have been my therapy and allowed me to become someone I never thought possible. 

C.D.Que

Julie London – Cry me a river

“This whole thing is a great idea, wha, what are you talking about? Nobody knows about us, we all go out. I sit there and… You know. A few hours later, you know I’m going to be the travelling salesman and you’re going to the lonely housewife”. ~Campbell Scott, Roger Dodger

“Okay homie, I just slept with a co-worker…‎​and not any co-worker, but a chick that could potentially be my boss!”

The rules for having relations with co-workers is a difficult process, especially when they’re your superior. When Cmac laid out his dilemma, I tried to provide the best possible advice. It’s a slippery slope, but it can be manuevered and handled correctly. You have to understand the situation and play it at a high level.

1). What type of woman is she?

The worst possible scenario is getting involved with a woman who is crazy. When the woman is crazy and your boss, that just heightens the tension. If the woman is even tempered and not power hungry, you must proceed forward.

2). It can’t end poorly!

In my friend’s situation, he moved across the country for this career choice. It would be a rather disheartening situation to have your boss/lover terminate you due to a relationship. It all comes back to mindset, refer to rule one (re: what type of woman is she?).

3). You have to take control in private with her and not get played in work scenarios.

I’m all for 50/50 in any relationship, it’s a balance and is absolutely the correct way to proceed. When you get involved with a superior though, the power scale is already uneven. In order to balance it, you have to take control when you’re together in private. In actuality, you should be assertive in any relationship and/or situation. This should be second nature.

Don’t be undercut or played for the fool at work functions. You have to consistently be the assertive, confident and humble person. If it’s not in your personality, don’t change you. Always be yourself, but it may not work if you’re an argumentative or submissive person. I don’t think she’ll want to continue relations with a coward. It’s just an unattractive quality.

4). You absolutely have to “hit it” right.

Truth be told, women talk and you don’t want to be the ‘butt’ of their jokes. If she’s going to tell her girlfriends, make sure she has something positive to discuss. Respect her as a woman and be concerned with her enjoying herself.

As a disclaimer to any woman reading this, this is from a man’s perspective. I don’t assume to know everything, this is just my opinion. Respect is of the utmost importance! Respect her and proceed accordingly, just don’t be a dick and make sure you guys map out what your intentions are. Is it just sex? Are you going to work at a relationship(no pun intended)? Was it a mistake? Ask these questions, or better yet evaluate the situation from her actions.

Good luck, my friend. I don’t envy you.

C.D.Que

Ludacris feat. Shawnna – Feeling so sexy