“Let me put it this way: I have thought about you – about us – a lot, but tonight, when you came in, was the first time I didn’t get all fucked up about it.” ~ Josh Hartnett, 40 Days and 40 Nights
I’ve been listening to Trey Songz all week. I used to dislike him because he was too cocky, but his music has grown on me. Music, movies, music, movies, music, movies. I can always find a correlation. This week I’m going to tell a story and each mini heading or chapter will be a title from one of Trey’s songs, the songs I’ve been listening to in heavy rotation.
CAN’T BE FRIENDS
The grass was greener on the other side, she chose. Three months plummeted off the calendar. No contact was made by either party, what was the fuckin’ point? The past is the past and there isn’t any backtracking, it’s called a breakup because the shit is broken. There was mixed feelings about replying to a random Monday morning message, he didn’t know what to make of this. Why now? What was the end game? It was decided months earlier to never leave eachother hanging, if a message was sent, a rebuttal should be made. In accordance with that rule, he pondered the day away and sent a calculated messge. No wasted lines, every line carefully crafted to express something and leave it where it is. There was no reason to upset her, so he didn’t mention his new lady who had been occupying his thoughts and time. She deserved better than petty, childish behaviour and quite frankly he was above such things. He was now happy and wished the same for her, but never did he want to see her again. That chapter was closed, she closed it, having your cake and eating it too isn’t really my thing (foolish saying by the way, but you get the picture). Never to be given up on, that’s how I feel, I’m confident in myself and know what I can provide. Too much spiteful venom was spewed from her lips and the time for mourning that loss had passed. So, his words were meant to soothe her almost like a parent tucking their toodler in bed. There isn’t any way of telling what we could have been, never be friends though!
Once is a warning, two is a scolding, three is a bloody charm. It’s like learn your lesson week around here. The more I believe I know, is the more I realize I know nothing at all. A gathering of friends chatting over some beers, conversations about all topics. The guy kept looking at his phone and smiling queerly. What was this guy’s problem? He was speaking to a new woman, her every thought intrigued him. She displays traits congruent with his; wit, intelligence, bravery, beauty, but she is also self -deprecating.
At first, he thought it was nothing, everyone has some personality defects and he turned a blind eye. The people who know him most shouted out cautionary tales to warn him. He was stubborn and believed he could handle the current in unknown waters. He was usually a strong swimmer, but the current was overpowering and tossed his body around like a child’s stuffed animal. He gasped for air and everytime he believed that he was safe, the raft he had clung to would splinter and crack. Three rafts came and when he realized there was no rescue for him, he embraced his fate, grinned, rolled his eyes and plummeted off the cliff.
I’m not special, I’m not unique, but what I am is different, abstract. When I say I’m thinking outside of the box, it isn’t simply a catch phrase. One of one isn’t me being cocky or brash. Veni, vidi, vici is more than a tattoo across my back. I’m not the usual and to be taken as such is fucking disappointing. Wasted hours, that’s what I’d like to say, but I don’t believe in regrets. My experiences are my own and the route travelled is the choice I make and I stand by. In future, things will be different, when it’s all said and done.
I always seem to do better when there’s doubt shown. Getting out of my way is my detriment. Focus is monumentally important in order to reach higher, to shatter the glass ceiling.
“Partially functional, half of me is comfortable
the other half is close to the cliff like Mrs Huckstable
no I aint crying a bit man
thats just life, thats just how shit work
you reach your hand in fire, you pull it back when you get burnt
gotta learn when you get hurt
even if its with cupid”
“Damn! Hey, so here we are. So here we are. So here we are. It’s funny how so close could seem so far, I mean, this is your moment. It’s supposed to be your moment, what good is being the one, when you’re the only one that knows it? ~ J.Cole