“In my experience, the prettier the girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane. Like Betty Coo-coo crazy. It’s not your fault, you know?”
~ Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine
Don’t sell yourself to fall in love,
With the things you do
Don’t sell yourself
To fall in love
With those things you do.~ Slum Village, Fall in Love
I don’t know if it’s just Valentine’s runoff or seasonal depression kicking in, but I have been writing these relationship pieces heavy this month. I read a piece of literature that was completely accurate to what dudes do wrong when pursuing a possible relationship. If not for copyright laws, I would just post the article. It really encompasses everything I believe and maybe have forgotten along the way. I’ll try my best to convey the general message.
I have struggled with the writing of this one for almost a week, wanting to say all the right things. Saying the right things isn’t why I became a writer though. The Hank Moody character that David Duchovny plays flawlessly thinks along the same lines as I would. Every woman is special in their own given way. No two are the same and that’s the intrigue. It’s like a new snowflake every time. In my adult life, I’ve only really connected with four women and while there have been others that look gorgeous, they just don’t resonate with me.
This brings me to my next point, just because a woman is beautiful or smart or working with something sexy doesn’t make her the correct fit for you. A beautiful woman who’s crazy, selfish, lacks compassion and is just blatantly cruel can drop from a ten to a four, quick fast. My boy makes it his hobby to date the most beautiful woman, often times he finds himself catering to their psychosis too. I don’t know why that is? I figure because the woman is beautiful, she’s probably dated more and in turn, had a greater chance to be jaded by bad experiences. That’s one theory, but their are many.
For me, and I think for most people, the perfect woman should have more than just looks. To say appearance doesn’t matter would be an outright lie, but inner beauty as well as outer is important. My buddy, Expo Jeff, puts it plainly “Man, there’s a lot of T & A running around here. I would much prefer B & E – brains and eyes”. That is one man’s preference and quite frankly, that shit was refreshing to hear. He’s younger than me and that type of elevated thinking is admirable.
When searching for the perfect woman, there’s no real checklist. None of the women I’ve dated (or had relations with) are remotely similar. Each carries their own particular set of personality defects and quirks. Actually, for me, the mentality of a woman far outweighs the appearance. I think you dudes should strongly consider thinking about the heart of a woman rather than look of her. That may sound corny on the surface, but let me explain.
When you date someone, there’s obviously the chance of it progressing into something more, right? Why else would you waste your time on a dud? Therefore, if you’re dating someone who could potentially be something greater, wouldn’t it be better to do your due diligence? I mean, you wouldn’t invest your life savings with a corrupt financial adviser, would you?
A woman whose into you should act as if she is. Far too often we waste time on women who are clearly not into us for one reason or another. Whether that be baggage or just a disconnect. No matter how much you want it to work gentlemen, if she isn’t putting forth the same amount of effort as you, something is wrong. My favourite line from ‘Boyz n the Hood’ is “…never respect anyone who doesn’t respect you”.
Make sure she is compassionate, a heart of gold isn’t just a Neil Young song. It’s the greatest attribute a person can have. The ability to care for others more than yourself is my number one. Compassion shows a lot about a person’s character and in most cases will overshadow any other personality defects.
Don’t try to compete with the Joneses’ because you’ll get found out. In other words, don’t be something that you’re not. I know the novelty period of a relationship is nice, you display all your best qualities in order to grasp that person’s attention. Make sure the best qualities you’re displaying are in fact yours. “Be yourself, everybody else is taken” (Oscar Wilde). There’s nothing worse than pretending to be something you’re not and getting found out. Don’t front.
This has got to be my number two, make sure you can converse with this person. Find common ground or at least be able to discuss things that are important to the both of you with intelligence. Ignorance, arrogance and stupidity have got to be my axis of evil. If you can’t carry on a discussion for more than one date, something is wrong? I don’t know what it is, but it’s a huge deal.
This wasn’t a checklist, but I think you get the picture I’m painting. Brains over body, soul over beauty.
“I started out with the best of intentions. I guess I just wanted them all to see it. The thing that makes them special. I guess that’s all anybody really wants. To be seen, to be recognized…” ~ David Duchovny, Californication
Carpe Diem Que
Something Greater than Self
28 FebThe challenge of my life is to find out how far I can take it
~ Red Bull Commercial
Documentaries anger me, but my thirst for knowledge continues to lure me back. I remember an August evening watching ‘Blue Gold’ with my pseudo sister, Vanessa. My outrage was clear by the steam protruding from my nostrils and ears. I skyped Baby, my brother, and started a dialogue about how I could help. What could we do?
It took several months to come up with a plan, but in the end I formulated something practical. A plan that could be employed by any individual. Remember that if you’re making more than $2/day, you’re in the top 3% of the richest people on the planet. That’s a fact. I decided to not use anymore coins and save all of it in a Ragu bottle. When the jar was filled, I would empty the contents and donate it to a charity. I had some reservations about publicly stated what charity I was supporting because it should be private. I decided to shed light on it because it’s worthy of exposure.
Ryan’s Well Foundation is an unbelievable initiative set up to help get clean water to people in need. I’ll give you a little background info about Ryan.
When I first saw Ryan’s commitment and compassion for others less fortunate than him, I was flabbergasted that a child could feel so strongly about an issue so great. If a child could champion such a task, what is preventing us from donating passive income to any cause?
I could elaborate on the what it means to control people’s water supply, but I won’t. I’ll just say this, water like land doesn’t belong to any individual, nation or corporate entity. The fact that bottled water has become such a profitable business is just asinine. Water is free! Furthermore, water is not a tangible asset. Water belongs to no one, it’s like bottling oxygen and offering it to the masses (who can afford it). The realization that clean water isn’t available to every person in this world sickens me beyond measure. Some people spend an entire pay cheque just for a pitcher of clean water. Tell me that isn’t absurd?
I hope my nieces and nephew champion such ambitious tasks and feel compassion for others. I will continue to not use coins for the entirety of my life.
Carpe Diem Que