Gentleman’s Guide to being a Hot Guy

“Look, I know that sounds harsh. But it’s true, and you need to hear the truth. Okay?  Cal, would you take that straw out of your mouth? Please. Just for this conversation. Do you know what that looks like? It looks like you’re sucking on a tiny schvantz, is that what you want?  Is that the message you wanna send to everybody?”

“No one’s thinking that.”

“Really? So, permission to speak candidly, sir.”

“I think you’ve already gone there.”

“You’re sitting there with a Supercuts hair cut, you’re getting drunk on watered down Vodka Cranberries like a fourteen year old girl and you’re wearing a forty four when you should be wearing a forty two regular. Honestly, I don’t know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.  Cal, you got a kind face. You got a good head of hair, you seem like a nice guy. I wanna help you. I’m gonna help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea, like where you lost it?”

~  Jacob Palmer & Cal Weaver/Ryan Gosling & Steve Carell ‘Crazy, Stupid Love’

Crazy, Stupid love, the ultimate buddy film and one of the best duos I’ve seen since Paul Newman and Robert Redford.  Let’s begin, being hot is a state of mind.  Hot is such a terrible term for looking and feeling good, so for our purposes I’ll use my term, sexy.  I feel sexy, ridiculously sexy and it’s not conceited to say, it’s about confidence.  Take Ryan Gosling for instance, widely accepted as a sex icon, right?  How many of you remember that he was Sean, the joker on Breaker High?  It wasn’t all that long ago.

I had a conversation with my buddy, Das Rocket, about relationships.  She told me that the hard body and beautiful face did nothing for her, she needs more.  You can only speak to a beautiful fool for so long, right?  I mean really, how many sports stats and car engines are there?  My goal today isn’t to give you any kind of formula because there is none.  You’ll never find one.  Like I said before, it’s a state of mind.  My buddies at work question less than attractive males with extraordinarily attractive females.  It seems lopsided and may seem odd to onlookers.  What they don’t see, I understand.  It’s more than just physical, although that is part of it.

Let’s get down to it,

1)  The affects of a healthy body has an incredible affect on the mind.  Das Rocket says, “don’t do all that gym shit for me, do it for yourself.”  She couldn’t be more right.  People gravitate to hard bodies not just because of their look, although it helps, but for the confidence it perpetuates.  You are now more confident with this new sense of invigoration you’ve discovered from taking care of yourself.

If this is a difficult task for you, start slow and build up to something more comfortable.

• Do some light push-ups or sit-ups in the morning and in the evening.  Do this after your breakfast has digested and an hour before you go to sleep.  Some great regimens for beginners are www.hundredpushups.com and www.50pullups.com.

• I could highlight bicep and tricep exercises, but they’re not as important as you might think.  Women I have spoken to like arms, but could care less if the rest of you is up to snub.  .  Told you!  I’d stick to your core.

• Nate Green, the guy from the video, has long been my favourite personal training guru and he’s a great entrepreneur.  His routine is free online www.thenategreenexperience.com/hero-workout

2)  Please watch the shit you put into your body.  I know it’s difficult, but too many cheat days can make you feel like the “…eat too many chocolate bars” guy.  You want to avoid that, it’s about how you feel about yourself.  Self sabotage only hinders your progress.  I’m a candy and gum fiend, I can’t get enough of either, so I try to temper my cravings by cutting out a whole list of other crap.

• For instance, no soda/pop, they clean pipes in India with this stuff.  Why are you putting it in your body?
• No carbs after noon, unless after a workout.  Straight salads with double chicken for me.
• Drink at least 8 glasses a day, to stay hydrated and keep your skin looking so fresh and so clean, clean.
• Eat fruits and veggies, OFTEN!  If you can eat them raw, do it.  The nutrients are plenty and will make you feel like a million dollars.

3)  This one goes without saying, but I’ll state the obvious anyway: hygiene, Hygiene, HYGIENE!  No one wants to date the dirty kid from Charlie Brown.  In fact, no one even wants to be around that dude.  I remember when I was thirteen, playing at the park with a gang load of friends and I was smelling ripe.  It’s amazing what a whole day of running around can do to a guy.  One of my girl friends mentioned the smell and folks, that was the last day my body ever smelt that way.  When I say hygiene, I’m not just talking about brushing your teeth and taking a shower.

• Shave.  Grass needs to be cut and maintained and so do you.  If you’re going to rock the five o’ clock shadow, do it with style.  I must say, the mountain beard look does appeal to some and looks good on your indie rocker who’s too busy composing to look after themselves – don’t make this person you.
• Clip your nails, hands and feet.  This isn’t beauty and the beast and Belle isn’t anywhere around here.  You shouldn’t be drawing blood while putting it down in the sheets.  That’s fuckin’ ridiculous (Kanye voice).
• Wash your hair and moisturize your skin.  These are almost automatic, especially with those fortunate enough to have long flowing locks.  Maintain yourself.  Moisturizing the skin is paramount for a Nubian dude like myself, go a week without moisturizer and you’ll surely be mistaken for Ashy Larry
• Floss.  If there’s rotting residue between your teeth, something is seriously wrong.
• Manscape.  This is a matter of preference, you can choose to or not.  The choice is yours.

4)  Learn to cook three meals – well.  Some of my friends have expanded on this because they’re magnificent cooks.  There is no better rack of ribs than the ones crafted by Vinnie Mac.  Baby B is a master of sushi, soup and tacos.  Meat Sauce has made the best chilli this guy has ever tasted.  You get the point.  These are my most gifted friends in the culinary arts.  I measure myself to them.  If you have a friend who’s amazing at cooking, borrow from them, ask their opinion and get them to try your meal before you present it.

Just picture this, third or fourth date.  Your date comes over and smells the sweet smelling aroma of (insert dish here).  She smells it from the hall and when she enters, you’re there with track pants and no shirt on.  “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just finishing up.  This is my cooking attire.”  She sits down and watches television, but is thinking of you while you get ready.  This may be an exaggeration, but you get the picture.

5)  Be selfless, no one likes the self indulgent guy who waxes on about himself.  This is the guy who doesn’t listen and just waits for his turn to speak.  She’ll quickly say “to the left, to the left” like her last name was Knowles.  When you’re confident about yourself, it shows.  This is the last time I’ll use this word, but let your “swagger” speak for itself.

Smile!  Smile often.  This is possibly the sexiest attribute.  I don’t know how many times I need to drill this home, but it’s important.  Be the inviting guy who is easily approachable once you’ve achieved confidence and bravado.  Don’t be that arrogant guy who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.  You ARE NOT God’s gift to women.  Acknowledge your flaws if they come up in conversation, realize you’re not perfect and you’ll be much more interesting.

This is my last bit of info, if there’s something that makes you feel good about yourself.  Do it early and often.  For me, I think dancing is extremely sexy and I do it almost every time I get ready to go out or when I’m out.  Makes me feel incredible and I’m sure you’ll find something that does the same.

Carpe Diem Que