Raffi: So how long have you guys been dating?
Michelle: A couple weeks… Dave: We’re not dating.
Raffi’s friend: Okay, next question
Dave: I mean, we only went out twice before this – do you consider that dating?
Michelle: I guess I did
Dave: I’m sorry. I mean, to me, dating sounds more serious like you’ve already been going out for a couple months. Like maybe you don’t live together, but you definitely stay over a couple nights a week. You don’t worry about who paid for the last meal anymore. You’ve seen each other pee.
Michelle: What do you call this?
~ Bryan Greenberg, Prime
Ah, the elusive dating quandary, “what are we?” Probably one of the most difficult things to decipher and also one of the silliest. I remember a time when things were much simpler, “will you be my girlfriend?” Check Yes, Check No. Straightforward and to the point. It seems as we’ve grown up, our cynicism and the hundreds of dating rules and phobias have us ready for battle like a medieval knight ready for battle. So, how do we know what we are?
It has been my understanding that first you see someone, then you date and after you’ve decided that person is worth your time, you begin a relationship. That was my understanding, it would seem that I have a narrow view of this process. I was in concert with three women, all with differing thoughts on how this process takes place.
Seeing Each Other (as defined by Urban dictionary…I know, Urban Dictionary, really?!)
When the male half of the relationship does not have the balls to ask out and FINALLY consign commend and commit to the girl he is keeping on hold. Seeing each other is seen as
- (men): The test drive, does he really want this car after he rides it or should he get another one?
- (women): The time in which they believe they’re still getting to know each other, presume their not ready for a relationship and dream that their going out, without the tags, a thought which has been planted by the spouse who is in denial.
One lovely woman I spoke to said she would not speak to other men during this period, but strangely, wouldn’t call it dating. At first I was perplexed by her answer, but after some thought and three days of marinating – Eureka. The reason why they aren’t dating may be due to the male contingent. With a relationship being 50/50 or, at least it should be, you must wait for the other party to commit their 50. In this particular situation, she seems ready to step forward…although she states, she’s not rushing into anything. Perhaps I’m wrong though, but all signs point to that. I mean, if she is test driving him, isn’t she doing herself a disservice if she’s only looking at one car on the lot?
From my point of view, it isn’t so much a test drive as it is a stability period. Finding out whether you can talk to this person beyond the bio pleasantries, but what do I know. I woman once said my theories on relationships are “outdated and old-fashioned”.
Dating (Urban dictionary, again):
Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.
I don’t know what it is about Urban dictionary that makes me chuckle, but these definitions, although accurate, are strangely humorous.
Woman #2: ”he’s not my boyfriend!”
CDQue: ”…so he can see other people?”
Woman #2: ”he better not!”
Woman #2: ”he’s not my boyfriend, we’re just dating”
This woman is a dear friend and I’ve grown to love her opinion, but this statement is so asinine to me. I mean, if he’s not your boyfriend, how do you claim ownership over dude? If I was to turn up the estrogen, I could see her logic. ”If he’s really interested in me, he’ll prove it by being monogamous while I decide if he’s suitable to date me” or maybe it’s along the lines of “I’m not quite ready, but I want him to be around while I figure things out.”
Testosterone brain, you have to understand that this is grossly unfair. Fight for my heart has got to be the most antiquated dating ritual from yesteryear. Remember, this is “outdated & old-fashioned” speaking. I’m partial to the courtship process as the next guy, but like I’ve said before, woman nowadays think the whole wooing process may be a little much. So, how is it that this relic has stood the test of time? My personal preference, sure, I’ll fight for your heart – just as long as it’s worthy of my effort. Gentleman out there should adopt a similar maxim. Every woman isn’t creating equal, just like every man isn’t. I suppose that’s the bare bones of hit though, that’s the reason we see, date and screen thoroughly. Doing your due diligence before you go any further.
Which brings me back to square one, when does seeing become dating become a relationship???
It’s a confusing process and I wish I had the answers for you gentleman. This is one of those trial and error processes where you have to play it by ear and tread lightly, but watch the current, waves have been known to overtake people who aren’t cautious.
Carpe Diem Que
P.S. Hate me not, I didn’t proofread this joint, but I’m working all day and had to post this soon time.