“Here’s a jewel though, Imma give it to y’all same way it was given to me. Real n*gg*s don’t fall in love, we stand up in it”
~ Joe Budden, So Good
Carrie: Have you ever been in love? Big: Abso-fuckin-lutely!
~ Sex and the City, S01, E01
I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive about treading through this pool. Given my cuffing blog two weeks ago, but with a lack of information to properly proceed with the blog I had scheduled for today, the show must continue and I have deadlines to meet.
Love. The weight of the word is heavier than Atlas’ burden. I have been quietly compiling information for this one over the last few months. I won’t lie to you, this one is directly made for the ladies. Men may find some helpful tidbits, but for the most part, we all have our own feelings about what love offers.
I have been researching for a new show I’m writing, which has me re-watching the whole ‘Sex and the city’ series. There was an episode where Charlotte (Kristin Davis) states that you have two great loves in life. If that’s true, your chances for success have got to be less than 1%. I’ve been in love once, it was one hell of an experience and the pain of it’s subsequent conclusion doesn’t deter me from embarking on another journey. If it were true that you only had two great loves in this world, the gambler in me would increase my odds by traveling outside of my scope.
“Are you dating anyone?” ~ Zee Rocket
My homegirl asked me this last night and I’m always skittish about my response. Truth is, I’m incredibly selective and I’m partially frightened to let someone else in. The opening up versus shutting down debate has been waging on for months. Generally, I’m an open person, a la this blog, but there are somethings that must be kept under lock and key. This medium, as truthful as it is has actually scared some potential candidates away, but like the first vignette stated “you have to find something for you” and this is it for me. She had to be excused.
I look for what is most different from myself and I think that’s general for everybody. Men date bitches because there’s that flair and excitement. Women date dicks because there’s that chance to change him for the good. When you get older and wiser, these paradigms may not appeal anymore, but you still have your own beliefs on what is attractive. Most adults I speak to, don’t really like the Han Solo type, they want someone more like Luke Skywalker with a bit of an edge.
“Its all I want and it’s all that’s causing me hurt”
That’s one of my friend’s feelings about the subject. I’m always intrigued by people’s definition of what love is. For women, it’s like there’s a pendulum inching closer to them. The older they get, the less they think their chances for finding a mate. For men, or me anyway, I think of it this way; take care of my mind, body and soul, everything else will fall into place. In my understanding, from the people I’ve spoken to, men are less conflicted about who they’ll end up with. It’s more of a physical attachment than an emotional, at least for the underdeveloped male mind. My good friend once told me, “you have sex first and date them after”. For a person like me, raised on Humphrey Bogart films and grandiose romantic gestures, I’ve learned to tone down the Ted Mosby in myself.
“Can you rub some lotion on my back?” ~ Carpe Diem Que
The litmus test. I don’t believe in divorce. Never saw it my household and never subscribed to it. I take a John Mayer-ish approach to it.
“I can tell you this much
I will marry just once
And if it doesn’t work out
Give her half of my stuff
It’s fine with me
We said eternity”
~ John Mayer, Home Life
I say that to say this, knowing the person you’re with should be paramount. I see some people get married after being together for six months and everything works out beautifully. They may have conducted their own litmus testing. Compassion and courtesy are the pillars I hang my hat on. If the person you’re with, male or female, exhibits these traits, you’re on the right path.
Relationships are hard work. Love is a process. You’re dealing with two people’s mentalities, not just one. Give and take, compromise, these are all things that come into play. Once entrenched in a relationship, you form alliances with your partner’s family and this is work. It’s not necessarily hard work, but it’s work nonetheless. You’re presenting yourself. Your thoughts. Your beliefs. Hoping they’ll accept you and love the person you are…or at least tolerate you. I have been at dinner parties with a girlfriend’s family and watched them crucify another relative’s partner. My goal was personally to never be that guy that gives fuel for people to burn me at the stake. When a relationship ends, you lose those ties and the thought of beginning anew is sort of exhausting.
Ambition is the key for men. For all the dudes out there reading this post and are struggling finding someone, say this word “ambition”. Being a man is well and good, that goes without saying. Our genetic makeup makes us inherently different, but to find something you love and practice it to an end is divine and attractive. Your passion for something you love is the most attractive quality about a man, providing you’re not cocky or talking over people.
Being a gentleman never goes out of style. Trust me, I’m stylish, I know. There’s a reason why Daniel Craig is the perfect embodiment of 007 for women. He’s both debonair and assertive in his manhood. This aspect of a person’s personality is always appreciated. Ladies, don’t think this doesn’t apply to you. Once your date, man, or husband opens the door for you, feel free to return the favour. There’s nothing like opening a door for your woman and then she doesn’t reciprocate. You’re standing there fiddling with your keys while she sits there twiddling her thumbs – MESSAGE – litmus test.
“Where do I find people? There’s no men anywhere?” ~ Crissie
I hate people who say they don’t have time to search for someone. I’m not asking you to find Waldo, but at least put yourself out there. Take a class. Go out for dinner somewhere different. Hit a book store, my personal favourite. Order a bottle of wine with some friends, meet people. Meeting people is not a hard task, in fact, it’s one of the few simplistic things we have going for us in this complicated world. It’s easy to open your mouth and say hello, I find men are too preoccupied with saying the wrong things. Worry less about that and more about the person you could be letting slip away. That could be your 1 of 2 (laughing). [Don't mind me, I'm not a fan of the "lol"]
“That’s the thing. I wasn’t thinking. That kind of shit just doesn’t happen to me often, ever! …beautiful girl is kind enough to kiss you, you kiss her right back”
~ Damien, Californication S02 E12
My final thought on this subject is this, don’t get caught up. Men are rendered helpless by temptations of the flesh. If you ask most cheaters if there was something wrong in their relationships, they will emphatically reply “no”. When the opportunity provides itself, men will stray if the temptation is enticing enough. You have to be strong willed to resist such things or don’t get caught up. Remove yourself from scenarios that may endanger your relationship.
This blog didn’t turn out the way I intended, but like with most works, characters take on a personality by themselves. I think this could be a compilation of all the GG’s in vignette format and I’m glad so many people have enjoyed them. I don’t know if I’ll do another, my mind leans towards yes. I will tell you this much, don’t run from love because you’re afraid of heartbreak. Heartbreak is just part of the process. I’d be lying if I said, I get it, that’s the furtherest thing from the truth. I’m thirty and single, but my passion keeps me occupied. Let your passions guide you through life and you loves compliment your passions.
Carpe Diem Que